It has been excruciating at times.
Sometimes, I've used prescribed medication to help me navigate the trauma that I needed to process in therapy with the help of a Professional Counselor.
Sometimes, I've needed to take a break from trauma until I could process more.
Here's the interesting thing, the more I processed my trauma the more other things became obvious.
Things such as masking, stimming, sensory issues, food, rigidity in schedule, selective mutism etc..
Around 2015 a neuropsychologist advised me to be tested for autism spectrum disorder ...
That was a hard pill to swallow..
When I reached what I felt was the bare minimum of functioning.
Being a parent, working and activism.
I saw myself withdraw and shutdown. It wasn't depression.
It was literally too much.
Everything was too much.
Touching was too much.
Talking was too much.
Being around people at all was too much.
Thankfully I had connections with people who noticed and suggested maybe it's time.
My wife helped me set up an appointment to have an evaluation for autism spectrum disorder.
Maintaining friendships (this is a big one was impossible,) I went dark on a lot of people.
This went on for months, in late April I finally felt able to ontinue working on things I could as I could. I found some new ways to manage.
This went on for months, in late April I finally felt able to
continue working on things I could as I could. I found some new ways to manage.
The evaluation happened in June and I received the results in July.
That's a whole nother topic for another day.