Open Letter to Amish Women of Holmes County Ohio

May 6, 2026

Dear Amish women in Holmes County Ohio, 

Greetings of love across the miles between us. I hope this finds you well. It's a dreary day in Colorado. I'm sitting in an airport waiting for my next flight home and thought I'd write a few lines. 

Last summer I was invited to a community gathering for harm reduction that was by Amish women for Amish and other people. When I attended the Community Gathering, I was pleasantly surprised at the way people responded to me. The women who were there were incredibly kind and empathetic. I want to give a shout-out to the woman who gave me a hug because she knows. Thank you. I think I needed that hug a long time ago, but I didn't know I needed it.  I even got to reconnect with my cousin whom I hadn’t seen in thirty years. I am so grateful I got to attend and speak with so many wonderful people.

                Some of you may know who I am and where I come from, but for those who don’t. I was born and raised Amish in three different settlements in western PA and two different Amish settlements in Wisconsin. In 2004, when I escaped, I reported the abuse I had experienced and there were five people arrested and prosecuted for crimes they committed that harmed children. This included my mem, my stepfather and three of my brothers. They all pleaded guilty. In the years since then, I have heard many reports of CSA (child sex abuse), that transpired in many different people groups. Since it would be unethical and violate confidentiality to share those stories without explicit informed consent, I don’t. However, I can talk about the life experiences I had, the lack of information that helps abuse thrive and ways we can do better.

                Back to the community gathering, many of you may not know this but in May of 2021 Jasper Hoffman and I gathered a group of people who had experiences of CSA within Amish and Plain communities to attend an Amish Abuse Awareness meeting in Loganton, PA. I was horrified, because it seems in many ways, I hadn’t comprehended that the harmful ideology I was taught was still taught and this was with large groups of people. I wrote a series of blogs criticizing the unqualified speakers, the curriculum, and suggestions that from my perspective could be much better.

                Imagine how happy I felt that this gathering included many people qualified to speak about various aspects of criminal conduct. The opening with “Amish are subject to the law” set the tone. This was not the same kind of meeting that I had previously attended. Having prosecutors give information about the statute of limitations was informative. One speaker gave information about a forensic interview, what it is and isn’t.  Gayle, from an agency that serves victims of crimes, presented crucial points about restoration teams and even preventative teaching for your children. It was impressive that speakers made the point that victim witness intimidation is a crime and may look like: shunning victims, withholding communion from victims, discouraging victims from reporting (even support group members have been known to engage in this), etc. The definition of rape in marriage was covered. It was clearly specified that this is a criminal act.

                During the Q &A there were questions about the outcomes of people that experienced sexual violence during childhood. There was no one on that panel who was qualified to answer that appropriately. In my opinion, it may be helpful to find a developmental trauma specialist to answer that question appropriately. This was demonstrated in the dehumanizing ways they described survivors. Maybe there need to be gatherings to inform communities about trauma in the future. Perhaps, this could be a survivor centered gathering. When I think about the perpetrators of sexual crimes being given microphones – so to speak at the AAA meetings and more, I think maybe its time the people they harmed take back their power and use their voices to speak. I could probably work on this in the future.

                For the speakers, there were certain industry specific acronyms that could have been explained to the audience, which applies to everyone. If you use an acronym, explain it at least once, if your audience isn’t your industry.

                I will never forget my relative that was adamant that women should not just do whatever their husbands say when their husbands are abusing them and/or their children. Sometimes, I have wondered if I would ever have reached safety if I didn’t have this woman who believed that women should protect their children and themselves so they can take care of their children as a role model. The way y’all not only put this together but also invited me, it made me think of her. I am so happy I got to see and experience this in my lifetime. I never dreamt I would see the day, but I did and y’all did the work to make this happen. My heart is full of joy that we get to do this. Thankful that this is the day I get to live in.

                My coffee is almost gone, and I need to get on my flight home. Until we meet again.

Love,

Mary Byler

Next Community Gathering for Harm Reduction