By: Mary Byler
Content warning: loss of family, trauma struggles, alienation.
Subtitle: When Continuing to Live is an Act of War
I lay here in bed.
My dog is with me.
I feel so sad.
I feel so hurt.
I feel so mad.
I feel so burnt.
I feel so alone.
Here comes Freya.
Barks at me like a good dog.
Makes me give her attention..
When I can't get out of bed yet, she lays down and lays her head on my arm.
I'm so sad.
Is it worth it to continue living?
When the very folks who were supposed to be there for you shun you? I hear her voice all over again. Telling me to never come back telling me to never visit.
Freya howls at me and sniffs my ear..
Then scoots closer and leans into me.
Today's always been a day where it can go one of two ways.
And today I choose to continue living.
Despite it all..
Even if it's me continuing to exist being an act of war.
I choose to live, so as long as I lay here in bed I am feeling sad but when I get up, I will live, unapologetically, wholeheartedly for my child and my chosen family.