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  • Writer's pictureMary Byler

Have you struggled with holidays?

Updated: Dec 22, 2021

Today, December 17th 2021, I'd like to talk a little bit about why holidays are hard for many people.

Within many people there's a lot of grief around holidays.

Part of the reason for me personally (and I can't speak for others; there may be different reasons for other people than there are for me) is because no matter how much I am surrounded by people who love and care about me and I am (I’d like to add here that I have the joy and privilege of having people in my life who love and care for me in a way that it is received, heard, and felt by me. I appreciate that to no end.) But when it comes to the holidays there's always this little underlying thing, the knowledge that me speaking my truth, that me doing the things I do to raise awareness, to create educational content that bridges the cultural gap; has resulted in rejection from the very beginning, from the get-go, by being abandoned by those who were supposed to be my family and community, those who society says are supposed to care for me unconditionally.

So no matter how much joy I have at the holidays there's still the underlying feeling that I wasn't worthy and I'm not worthy as long as I speak my truth. Because I speak my truth I will never be worthy of a seat at the table with those people that books, movies, media of all kinds tell me are supposed to care for me and love me unconditionally.

For me this results in a variety of huge feelings, some of which can be great frustration, grief, rage, sorrow, isolation, alienation, and lastly, the feeling that I'll never quite be "enough". This isn't pretty to navigate at a time where you're surrounded by everything telling you to be happy.

If you are feeling this, please reach out and connect to folks you feel safe with. Please find a way to process this so you're not hurting yourself.

All the love for you.


Ps. And let me be clear I am eternally grateful for the folks in my life who have and continue to show me by their actions I am worthy. Today, I actually was shown and reminded by some folks again, I am worthy. ❤️

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